Earlier this month I met with a church leader. He and I met to discuss how we might help each other address the prevalence of mental health difficulties in church congregations.
I had initiated the meeting and made notes on points I thought important. As is typical for me, I was nervous before the meeting. I have a tendency to ramble on in one-on-one formal discussion. And that is exactly what I did.
It went something like this:
“So, uh, I wanted to talk about how, you know, people come to me about mental health problems. And, ummm, I know you see people who are struggling with the same thing.
And, so, I’ve been thinking, maybe we should talk about stuff.
Maybe the best place to start is, well, you know how some people feel I’m a loose cannon – I mean people cringe when I say stuff like “We are too obsessed with happy” or “Jesus wasn’t killed because he was kind.”
Well, what I’m really trying to say is that I want you to know that I’m actually trying to help. But maybe you might think I’m not. So, I was wondering, could we, ummm, or maybe a better way to put it is, you are good at stuff that I’m not, and people appreciate your words more than mine. So actually…I know I need help. Do you think maybe you’d be okay helping me be better at what I’m trying to do?”
AND, Silence…….
It was perfect.
Right off the bat I’d solidified my credibility on mental health deficiencies. Props to my listener; he kept a straight face the entire time – adding just a slight hint of confusion at the end.
I’m convinced there could not have been better testimony of genuine mental disorder. In fact, it’s possible the next hour was spent by this friend observing me solely for educational purposes.
I eventually was able to communicate my intended message. We had a productive discussion and agreed to continue the dialogue going forward.
Below is a shadow of what I intended to discuss that evening. Some of it was expressed, some was not – as the conversation moved to other important points. Regardless, this letter addressed to Church Leader, is one I would share with any church leader based off of several conversations I’ve had with people in and outside of my own faith the last three months.
Dear Church Leader,
While addressing several individuals on the topic of emotional disorders, either sufferers or their family members, I have perceived a general gap of expectation between anticipated life-trial intensity and actual experience. Whether an LDS missionary is blindsided by the reality that his companion will never let him out of his sight – literally, or the shock realized when cutting oneself is preferable to endlessly waiting for God to remove one’s emotional darkness, or a desperate parent who desires to reconcile their grown child’s life reality with what that child learned in Sunday School. I have realized we are hardly promoting a dialogue that prepares people for life’s hardest moments in relation to God.
Of course, joy and happiness are appropriate parts of God’s plan. Under normal circumstances we should anticipate their presence on a consistent basis. However, people are rarely under normal circumstances when they are most in need of God’s guidance. In fact, the increased level of attrition in church attendance indicates a fading effectiveness in preparing believers for faith-crisis’.
From my own experience and the collective reports of others, joy and happiness are being misunderstood as NECESSARY to the PROCESS CONTINUALLY. As a result, those experiencing an extended absence of positive emotions are inferring that theirs is an incorrect or unworthy path.
Obviously, a crisis of faith can spawn from a number of troubles; it is not exclusive to the mentally ill. But whatever the genesis, a faith crisis ultimately results in a complicated state of mind. When a person cannot reconcile their life experience with their understanding of God, that person enters into a phase of spiritual, intellectual, psychological and emotional turmoil. Following the processing of their turmoil, a person will initiate change (for good or bad) to resolve their inner God equation.
Often one’s concerns during this PHASE are predictable. However, these concerns are not the types easily remedied by peace or joy. These are genuine life-altering issues. They often deal with complex social matters, or legitimate concern for events in church history. Many have concerns similar to my own, the dichotomy of theodicy (rectifying God’s omnipotence and character with the existence of evil and suffering.)
Our typical response to such concerns – “Keep the gospel simple.”
But for me, whose conflict included suicide as a possible resolution, a “simple gospel” ends at the bottom of a cliff. For those who say there are other options to “simple” than suicide – I concede – they are correct. Yet that outcome is far more unconscionable. It’s conclusion – the death of one’s faith – the killing of God.
In short, a “simple gospel” can’t account for the horrors of humanity. Many people understand this – but only after experiencing horror themselves. This truth is not often spoken of for its conflict with culture; happiness and horror don’t play well together.
One who understood both horrors and gospel complexity was Amulek. He coined the term “infinite and eternal” atonement while explaining Christ to a group of societal outsiders. It begs the question: why would a seasoned preacher use such abstractness with a religiously amateur audience. The answer – Amulek understood the religious trauma they’d been compelled to experience. Shunned from worshiping in their local religion for being socially lame, this group considered themselves (or were compelled to consider themselves) unworthy of God. Amulek could relate. He understood what it was like to be overcome with anger TOWARDS A GOD YOU LOVE.
Many readers are now repulsed, correctly stating that there is no account of Amulek expressing anger towards God. The Book of Mormon offers no such statement. And, I too, would be repulsed if I considered Amulek’s character solely limited to that which is written in the book of Alma.
BUT I DON’T.
I believe Amulek was a real man, a genuine individual with a family and friends, a man of intelligence, a man with emotions, a man of faith. In an event that occurred some TIME before this “infinite” discourse, he experienced a trauma placing him in conflict with what he previously understood to be of God’s character. He was witness to the burning of women and children (likely his own family included) for their faith in God. His reaction of repulsion resonates with me, a human being who believes God to be good. Consider the following:
Alma 14:10 And when Amulek saw the pains of the women and children who were consuming in the fire, he also was pained; and he said unto Alma: How can we witness this awful scene? Therefore let us stretch forth our hands, and exercise the power of God which is in us, and save them from the flames.
Likewise, I can imagine the rage a good man like Amulek might feel as he contemplated God’s response as given through the prophet Alma:
Alma 14:11 But Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgments which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day.
12 Now Amulek said unto Alma: Behold, perhaps they will burn us also.
13 And Alma said: Be it according to the will of the Lord. But, behold, our work is not finished; therefore they burn us not.
The average reader misses the depth of Alma’s explanation – especially the last verse. We all believe that God allows horrors to happen, knowing history is filled with them. But “to allow” is a passive act, an omission of action, a lazy excuse – “Well…didn’t think things would get THAT messy. Oh well…I’ll hose this place down later.”
But passivity is not Alma’s reasoning. He instead cites GOD’S WILL. The Spirit actively constrains Alma who then prophetically declares that God “suffers” (meaning an intentional act against one’s desires) this tragedy so that He, God, can later justify His wrath upon the wicked.
AND THEN IT BECOMES PERSONAL.
Amulek rightly deduces God’s justice would equally benefit from their own death. Yet doing so evidently disrupts some Godly equation so that Providence won’t allow such a step to be taken. So Alma, as if he knew this all along, states “they burn US not.”
If I’m Amulek, or a genuine human being with even a pinch of intelligent humanity, I see this for what it is:
“Sorry there, boys, but after yer done watchin this, I’ve got a couple other things I’m gonna need you to do for me. These family and friends of yours – well…I needed them to burn so I can get the bad guys later on. But you – lucky you – not only do you get to have this traumatic memory sear your brain for the remainder of your lives, but you also get the privilege of carrying out my unpredictable will further for an indefinite period of time. And – more good news – you can take some time off to relax. I’ve given the okay for these people to imprison you. Don’t worry about proselytizing while you’re in there. Maybe pass the TIME stewing in your thoughts. After this traumatic event you’ve got a thing or two you’ll want to cognitively process.”
(Interjection here to prevent you from considering this heresy. Christopher Nolan fans will get this concept right off the bat – having seen his movie The Prestige (2006). The Amulek story is similar to a magic trick as described in this motion picture by the actor who plays the engineer of magic contraptions. Our hero’s journey has three parts. Amulek has just completed part two.
Cutter (Engineer): Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called “The Pledge”. The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course… it probably isn’t. The second act is called “The Turn”. The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you’re looking for the secret… but you won’t find it, because of course you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet. Because making something disappear isn’t enough; you have to bring it back. That’s why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call “The Prestige”.
Again, Amulek’s story has just completed part two – “The Turn.” Like a magic trick, if we were to conclude here, the audience would be rightly horrified:
“Ladies and gentleman, I have cut this lady in half – AND …that is it.
Can someone get me a towel? I’ve got splatter on my shoes.”
But, our story is NOT done. The third act is still to come. In Amulek God is preparing “The Prestige.” And he does so with…TIME)
Time is an integral dimension of mortal suffering. Suffering relieved in a quick and predictable manner necessitates little thought, little effort, little growth. It lacks the power of longevity to engage change. Yet when prolonged and indefinite, suffering consumes the mind. It alters reality. It slowly, methodically reduces its subject to the basics of knowledge and pain – truth and darkness. This is the PHASE spoken of previously – a state of limbo where one works to reconcile what one KNOWS TO BE TRUE with THE REALITY OF LIFE EXPERIENCE – a spiritual paradox – the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
Like most undergoing a crisis of faith, Amulek’s suffering took place in his mind over time. While sitting in prison, he assuredly toiled with questions of God he’d never considered before.
Amulek was unique in his knowledge – angel ministered, prophet mentored, miracles witnessed. Yet days removed from such upliftment, it was revealed there was more to God’s character than he’d previously considered. “Who is this God that grants me such experiences Who then justifies the brutality of innocents; this God idly watches torture then spares ME the same fate as it doesn’t fit into HIS WILL????
Wow God – I thought we were friends. But now – well – I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!!!
If I am Amulek in that prison, I can’t help but ruminate these truths. I am – not in a nice way, yet still, a productive way – ENGAGING GOD. And by God’s great gift, my imprisonment allows me the TIME I might need to “wrestle” with his elusive character.
Interesting note: Israel means to wrestle with God. It may be good measure to revisit why Jacob’s name was changed to Israel.
Many have been at this point in their lives. Yet, few true believers have had the courage to say so, let alone detail their thoughts. When a hero is needed God often provides a person of quality – C.S. Lewis, the great Christian apologist. With nothing to lose, in the last years of his life, he published his great wrestle with God. These are his genuine words describing a real God/son relationship. Within them is found unexpected brilliance – a knowledge only discoverable by exercising SIMULTANEOUSLY a
FAITH IN
and
CONFLICT WITH
GOD.
Though words of Mr. Lewis, please read the following as if written by Amulek while in prison.
“Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there’s no God after all,’ but ‘So this is what God’s really like. Deceive yourself no longer.’”
His words are dark – uncomfortable. Yet without such feelings (TORTURE and BETRAYAL are terms I’ve previously used) one CAN NOT attain the ENSUING REVELATION – a blessing Lewis felt so profound that he graced it with the language of the beatitudes:
“I need Christ, not something that resembles Him…My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself. He is the great iconoclast. Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence? …Most are ‘offended’ by the iconoclasm; and blessed are those who are not”
REREAD THE PASSAGE SLOWLY – IT IS IMPORTANT!!!
Within those words exists a revelation of the most profound universal impact – a revelation whose importance is trumped only by the first great revelation – that God exists. Here Lewis testifies, as I’m convinced Amulek also discovered, that in all humility, he doesn’t KNOW God. Not that his current level of knowledge is incorrect, but that it is INCOMPLETE. Here is a student that finally realizes that God has far more to teach him than just WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR. This is a student enlightened to the fact that to KNOW GOD requires a willingness to embrace Someone who is INFINITE and ETERNAL. This is the realization that your Teacher is a Being whose will can fill you with unspeakable joy one day, and tear your soul apart in the death of your family the next. And though it may seem the purpose of the events are absolutely contradictory, because of your new KNOWLEDGE of HIS CHARACTER you can correctly understand (not just believe – but UNDERSTAND) that He provides both in your ultimate self-interest. How brilliantly intimate that both revelations (I KNOW GOD EXISTS and I HAVE MUCH TO LEARN OF HIM) may ONLY be gained INDIVIDUALLY. The first often through TIME and JOY – the second, often through TIME and SUFFERING.
Ladies and gentleman, He intends to make of you a third act – you are, or will be, His “Prestige.” Like Amulek, you are an ordinary man or woman – one in love with the Lord; who’s been blessed with His happiness and joy. Then, horrifically, God performs “The Turn”, torturing and betraying you – risking your faith and love for Him. Only to then leverage such torture and betrayal to perform the hardest of feats – the act for which we all came here for – to not just bring us back, but TO BRING US BACK WITH KNOWLEDGE.
Understandably then, in describing an “infinite and eternal atonement”, Amulek concedes God’s unpredictability – a trait that often induces our anger. But he does so from a refined knowledge, and with an intent to prepare his novice audience for a firm relationship with God. Because he understands from his own personal experience, as simple as it is to say that God’s will be done, it is far more complex to KNOW WHY. And the only way to KNOW WHY is to be willing to KNOW HIM MORE COMPLETELY.
To close, I use Christ’s own words. He speaks of knowledge – knowledge in reference to His relationship with you and me. In the first quote He makes clear it is not enough to simply know His name, or even perform wonderful works as His representative. Only those HE KNOWS and do His will shall be able to endure the floods with their wisdom. The second, a declaration from the holy intercessory prayer that to KNOW God the Father and He, Jesus Christ, is Eternal Life.
Matt. 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
John 17:3 And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.
The concluding recommendation: Our aim should be to strengthen His children so that they may KNOW HIM not only when he brings them joy, but ESPECIALLY when He brings them suffering.
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